newsletter that I get at work because we have ordered training materials from JM Perry in the past. This one really made me stop for a moment and think about whether it's worth it to put so much effort intro striving for an unobtainable level of perfection. I have always believed in the motto: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." But at what point does it become counter-productive to yourself and to those around you?
Here's an excerpt:
I was reading a vendor Here's an excerpt:
Many people have standards, values, and guiding principles by which they live. For these individuals, standards and values are helpful guidelines for living; on the other hand, sometimes these standards become too rigid and strict. In some cases, the standard expectations of excellence are so high that the individual becomes obsessed with having to be perfect. This is called the "Perfection Obsession."
I have encountered countless people, both personally and professionally, who are obsessed with being perfect. In moderation, striving for excellence is a terrific basic governing value. Yet, many of us take "having to be perfect" to the extreme, and later develop psychological, physiological, and interpersonal disorders which often result in emotional prison.
I often find multi-dimensional origins to the perfection obsession. When suffering from perfection obsession, people frequently cultivate an unshakable irrational belief system in addition to rigid behavior patterns. Dr. Albert Ellis presents the perfection obsession as another one of his eleven irrational ideas that contributes strongly to mental illness and emotional disorders. He describes this irrational obsession as "the idea that one must be thorough, competent and achieving in all possible respects, and if perchance this is not achieved, there is something terribly wrong." As you can see, when we become firmly entrenched in this kind of thinking, we become anxious, irritated, depressed, or hostile if we're exposed as being imperfect.
If this sounds familiar, you have three options:
Most people with the perfection obsession choose the first option. The perfection obsession can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Some of the behavior patterns are familiar -- those of a workaholic, a narcissist, a compulsive cleaner, a neat nick, over-achiever, and an ultimate authority on every subject.
The difficult part of being obsessed with perfection is the continual anxiety about making mistakes and exposing humanness, fallibility and imperfection. The obsessive person thinks, "if I make a mistake, I will lose respect," and "if I'm imperfect, I'm vulnerable and out of control." This belief system states that anything less than perfect would be received with disapproval in other people's eyes.
IN REALITY, THE CONTRARY IS TRUE. We actually like people less for their perfections because perfection tends to scare and intimidate us. If we encounter someone who appears perfect, we are immediately reminded of our own imperfections, which can make us feel uncomfortable and inadequate. In addition, we find it difficult to identify with someone who is perfect. We are able to relax only when we encounter someone who, while having high standards, also lets his or her imperfections and "human qualities" show through. The more human a person is, the more we are able to feel comfortable and identify with this person.
The perfection obsession is oriented toward reactive thinking and is motivated by the potential consequences of failing to do something. "Perfect" people are unable to relax because they are always making an effort to be perfect - reacting to the fear of the potential consequence of appearing imperfect, flawed, and out of control. This constant reactive obsession results in anxiety, dogmatism, and lowered creative potential and performance. If we are unable to relax, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to grow; therefore, learning and progress are halted.
What can you do?
I have encountered countless people, both personally and professionally, who are obsessed with being perfect. In moderation, striving for excellence is a terrific basic governing value. Yet, many of us take "having to be perfect" to the extreme, and later develop psychological, physiological, and interpersonal disorders which often result in emotional prison.
I often find multi-dimensional origins to the perfection obsession. When suffering from perfection obsession, people frequently cultivate an unshakable irrational belief system in addition to rigid behavior patterns. Dr. Albert Ellis presents the perfection obsession as another one of his eleven irrational ideas that contributes strongly to mental illness and emotional disorders. He describes this irrational obsession as "the idea that one must be thorough, competent and achieving in all possible respects, and if perchance this is not achieved, there is something terribly wrong." As you can see, when we become firmly entrenched in this kind of thinking, we become anxious, irritated, depressed, or hostile if we're exposed as being imperfect.
If this sounds familiar, you have three options:
- To keep achieving in hopes of reaching perfection some day, or
- To become so miserable and defeated that it leads to severe depression.
- Go crazy - (dip into the prozac).
Most people with the perfection obsession choose the first option. The perfection obsession can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Some of the behavior patterns are familiar -- those of a workaholic, a narcissist, a compulsive cleaner, a neat nick, over-achiever, and an ultimate authority on every subject.
The difficult part of being obsessed with perfection is the continual anxiety about making mistakes and exposing humanness, fallibility and imperfection. The obsessive person thinks, "if I make a mistake, I will lose respect," and "if I'm imperfect, I'm vulnerable and out of control." This belief system states that anything less than perfect would be received with disapproval in other people's eyes.
IN REALITY, THE CONTRARY IS TRUE. We actually like people less for their perfections because perfection tends to scare and intimidate us. If we encounter someone who appears perfect, we are immediately reminded of our own imperfections, which can make us feel uncomfortable and inadequate. In addition, we find it difficult to identify with someone who is perfect. We are able to relax only when we encounter someone who, while having high standards, also lets his or her imperfections and "human qualities" show through. The more human a person is, the more we are able to feel comfortable and identify with this person.
The perfection obsession is oriented toward reactive thinking and is motivated by the potential consequences of failing to do something. "Perfect" people are unable to relax because they are always making an effort to be perfect - reacting to the fear of the potential consequence of appearing imperfect, flawed, and out of control. This constant reactive obsession results in anxiety, dogmatism, and lowered creative potential and performance. If we are unable to relax, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to grow; therefore, learning and progress are halted.
What can you do?
- Ask yourself this question: "What is the worst that can happen if I am less than perfect?" Really consider this question because chances are, the answer is hardly fatal.
- Practice saying, "I don't know" when in fact you find yourself without an answer. People will be quite accepting of your limitations.
- Consider leaving the house (or a small portion of it) messy for one day. It is interesting to see that your house, friends, and you too, will survive, and as a result, the obsession decreases.
- List all of your standards on paper and consider the standards that are unreasonable. Then, rewrite and adjust them to more reasonable standards. The anxiety automatically diminishes.
My room is already usually a mess, so no obsession there. But I am going to try saying "I don't know" more often. :)